Some Market Feedback for My Favorite Personal Care Brand, Dollar Shave Club, From Their Hairiest Customer
Rather than get actual client work done today, I spent most of my writing time composing a love letter in the feedback box of my on-demand-personal-grooming-subscription-service-of-choice, Dollar Shave Club. Yes, I really sent them this, no, they didn’t hire me as their copywriter or paid influencer, as though I’m important enough to ever get paid as an influencer, but I would totally do it if they offered. Call me, baby, I’ve got some thoughts about your next viral content marketing campaign.
I just wanted to leave some feedback for you guys about how much I love the changes you’ve made around here. We’ve been with DSC since the early days, and I loved your service but hated how dude-centric your early marketing was. It used to be just super in your face with ‘this is a boys club’, which felt odd since I shaved a hell of a lot more square inches of my body than my boyfriend did. Then I married that boyfriend, and you guys did me a solid by rush shipping me a box of fresh blades for free so I could get my pits silky smooth for that strapless white dress that cost more than my laptop.
I logged back in today after months of letting my subscription run unsupervised, because quarantine gave me the golden opportunity my heart had always yearned for: I stopped shaving completely. I am hairy and thriving. Truly living my best life. The freedom is exhilarating. But I still love your deodorant. So I logged in to cancel the blade cartridges, and noticed several changes that I just had to thank you for by name.
1. You ditched so much of the gendered marketing. Thank you for acknowledging that girls are also willing to give you money, it’s a small detail but it feels nice not to be excluded for no real reason.
2. When your customer profile asked me whether I was a girl, not only did you have a gender neutral option, but the site didn’t instantly turn pink and start trying to shove flowers up my ass. DSC, you had my money, but today you won my heart. Thank you for not charging me double for my razors and making them pink. I don’t need them to be goddamn pink. I need them to be razors. (I mean, I don’t actually need them to be razors anymore, but same goes for your excellent hand cream and deodorant.) I love your simple packaging and your non-gendered products. Thanks for sticking by that.
3. You sell a ball spray now, and you just straight up call it a ball spray. I snort-laughed very unattractively when I saw it, but like I said, I’m hairy and thriving and not worried much about aesthetics these days, just comfort and hygiene.
4. YOU LET ME REMOVE THE CARTRIDGES FROM MY ORDER BUT KEEP THE DEODORANT! You used to be REQUIRED to have at least one cartridge in your order, and you could only snooze, not suspend indefinitely. When I had too many cartridges piled up (I’ve always resented shaving, in hindsight,) I had to keep getting them anyway or I’d run out of the shave butter and deodorant. Thanks for fixing that, this is way more convenient.
5. Did I mention that the ball spray is genius? The ball spray is genius. You should add it as an under-boob spray (but NOT in pink for twice as much for the Love of GOD). Boobs have the same sweaty smelly problems as balls but no one makes anything for it. Do it, and swim in money. Boom, have that little bit of marketing consultation for free.
6. Did I need to add a hydrating daily face cleanser to my order? No. Did I add one to my order anyway? Yes. I love how you do business, I love how you’ve evolved, and I want to keep supporting you, even though I intend to stay hairy. I assumed I was logging on today to part ways forever, with sadness in my heart, thinking that you had no need of a customer who wanted to be hairy. How thrilled I was to be wrong. Take my money, and keep those weird new scents coming my way, I love them. Bergamot and white musk? What even is that? I don’t care, it smells amazing, and it’s totally unique. I love it. I love you.
Believe me when I say that I don’t normally gush over brands — late stage capitalism is a blight on our society — but I Stan one Dollar Shave Club. I would ride into battle for you, so long as you keep dishing up a great service and keep the gendered personal care industry nonsense far away from me.
Signed with love, — a happily hairy girl who doesn’t need to be smooth but does want to be clean and smell good, and doesn’t need one more product in pink, thanks, seriously, we’re all set over here in that department.
